Six things I would like from HR this Christmas:

Better music when I’m on hold.  At least Greensleeves, apparently played on a keyboard which came out of a Christmas cracker, has been retired, but ‘The Four Seasons’ should really go the same way, and as for that tinny recording of a 70s-inspired jazz fusion piece which sounds as if it was written by that bald guy in Accounts who claims he used to be in a band, I’ve never heard anything more likely to make people hang up instantly rather than wait patiently for someone to answer.
A replacement for the recorded message which repeatedly tells me that my call is important to you.  If it was that important, shouldn’t a real, live human being have answered it by now?
A straight answer when I get through.  Nuff said?
HR people who understand my job.  ‘I didn’t know you did that as well’.  ‘Why do you need someone who can drive?’  ‘I thought that was what your team does’.  You wouldn’t say things like these if you took the trouble to come and find out what I actually do all day.
Fewer strategies and more action.  If all the HR strategies in the world were laid end to end…… one would be any the wiser.  If all the time and effort put into discussing, then writing, then reading, and then interpreting, HR strategies was put into doing things instead, we would be at least ten per cent more productive.  Perhaps we could replace them all with a single, one-line action strategy which simply says: ‘Just do it!’
Language I can understand.  Whenever I hear an HR person give a presentation, I feel as if I’ve strayed into a parallel universe, where I can only understand one word in four, and in which the unexplained acronym is king.  Is it just me?
If HR bring me just one of these things for Christmas, I promise to be good throughout 2018.
We hope you all get what is on your on your Christmas list this year, and we wish you all a happy and prosperous new year!
Richard Scott, Head of Research, HR in Flow Ltd.

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